Each New Year’s Eve we make resolutions. This year, let’s resolve to end conflicts for good. Here are seven strategies for making 2014 your least conflicted year every!

Few people are comfortable resolving conflicts with others and even fewer still are actually good at it. Consider this; the behavior of other people is the most stressful element of our lives. When you consider that stress is the source of many diseases, illnesses and aging – well, a case can be made that learning to effectively resolve conflict can have a very positive impact on the quality of our lives. Plus, you can save on botox!
Here are tips for successfully resolving conflict in 2014:

1. If you understand the person, you can predict what creates conflict! Using a broad model of human interaction there are four styles of people. Romantics experience conflict when the harmony around them is disrupted. Warriors hate to be “managed.” Experts become unsettled when their environment is inconsistent or unreliable. Masterminds’ arch enemy is boredom. By knowing yourself and others, you can make a preemptive strike against conflict by not placing someone in a stressful situation.
2. Your own interactive style contributes to the toxic ways you may deal with conflict. Romantics often avoid talking to the person with whom they have a disagreement and instead tell EVERYONE else. Warriors can be overly direct and aggressive and intimidate others when experiencing conflict. Experts engage in long, detailed, filibuster like explanations of why they are right while Masterminds get bored with the discussion and feign agreement just so they can do something more interesting than argue.
3. Conflict resolution is about arriving at a broader and deeper understanding of another person’s thought process. It is NOT about winning an argument. Listen to the other person’s perspective and you will likely discover that there is room for both of your points of view. If you try to win, you will lose.
4. An apology is to conflict resolution as water is to fire. Don’t be afraid to apologize even if you don’t understand why the conflict exists. By saying, “I am sorry that I upset you,” you remove the biggest obstacle to conflict resolution: who will take responsibility for the situation.
5. Learning and using a simple model for conflict resolution ensures that you can become better at it over time. When you learn a new skill, repetition of the technique is essential to refining your ability. The same is true about conflict resolution. One simple approach is the LAST model. Listen, Apologize, Solve and Thank.
6. If someone approaches you because they are upset about something you said or did, try not to become defensive. In fact, try to express gratitude. When someone attempts to resolve conflict with us they have done us a favor. The much more common scenario is that the person tells everyone BUT you when they are upset. That’s why thanking people at the end of a successful conflict resolution process is so important.
7. If you have no interest in the other person’s point of view on an issue, don’t bother trying to resolve the conflict. There are some issues that are simply irreconcilable and to continue to try to find common ground is analogous to teaching a pig to sing. As the Mark Twain saying goes, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

For more on conflict resolution, selling skills and effective leadership, check out Dave Mitchell’s new book, The Power of Understanding People.